{"id":7906,"date":"2013-03-25T10:17:09","date_gmt":"2013-03-25T14:17:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/?p=7906"},"modified":"2025-02-20T10:44:49","modified_gmt":"2025-02-20T10:44:49","slug":"family-finances-somebody-is-watching-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/03\/25\/family-finances-somebody-is-watching-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Family Finances: Somebody Is Watching You"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"yui_3_7_2_1_1364066343442_11733\">When it comes to family finances, somebody is watching you especially when you have children in your life.\u00a0My name is Laurie and I&#8217;m married with 4 kids, 3 girls and a boy. We live in the upper Midwest and have recently begun a journey to achieve financial sanity for our family.\u00a0<strong>Welcome to a glimpse into the life of a formerly financially irresponsible couple<\/strong> who have vowed to make changes to the way they handle their money.<\/div>\n<h5><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><strong>Our Family Finances<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n<div>After 16 + years of marriage, we finally \u201cgot the picture\u201d and began managing our\u00a0family finances in a responsible manner.\u00a0 Three months into our \u201cjourney to debt free\u201d things are going slow, but they are indeed moving in the right direction.\u00a0Part of our<strong> journey to financial responsibility<\/strong> has been to assess how we came about making such a mess of our money in the first place. When we took a look back at the interesting ways our parents handled money, it gave us an eye-opening look as to part of the reason we were never very good at handling our finances.<\/div>\n<div><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-153379 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/father-playing-with-children.webp\" alt=\"father-playing-with-children\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/father-playing-with-children.webp 400w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/father-playing-with-children-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/father-playing-with-children-150x100.webp 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/div>\n<h5><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><strong>Somebody is Watching You<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n<p>You see, your kids, they\u2019re always watching you, for better or for worse.\u00a0 This is why setting a good example for them is a pertinent part of raising responsible children.\u00a0 Whereas most of us do our best to behave well at work, we often think we can <strong>\u201clet our hair down\u201d<\/strong> at home, and be lackadaisical in how we treat our family, or in the habits we partake in.\u00a0 But the kids are always watching, whether they let on to this or not, and the things they learn from their parents will likely carry on into adulthood, in one way or another.<\/p>\n<p>As my husband and I worked to figure out exactly where we got the idea that we could be financially irresponsible with our money, one road pointed back to our parents and how they handled their money.<\/p>\n<h5><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><strong>Lessons About Money Taught By Our Parents<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Money is for spending, not managing-\u00a0<\/b>My husband and I have wonderful, loving, supportive parents.\u00a0 However, neither my husband nor I can remember much in the way of responsible financial decisions from our parents when we were kids.\u00a0 There were no savings accounts, and every dime (and more) that came in, promptly went out on whatever it was that our parents wanted to have.\u00a0 Not that they never said \u201cno\u201d, it\u2019s just that the goal of having money was to spend it and to accumulate \u201cstuff\u201d.<\/li>\n<li><b>Money is a private matter-\u00a0<\/b>Even though none of our parents believed in letting the kids in on the financial order of their homes, enough \u201cdiscussions\u201d were overheard that we both knew that the money situations weren\u2019t good.\u00a0 Because our parents didn\u2019t believe in discussing money matters with children, we had no idea how to avoid the mistakes our parents had made.<\/li>\n<li><b>Money is to be feared-\u00a0<\/b>Along with the money troubles that plagued our families growing up, we learned that there was never enough money, nor would there ever be enough money.\u00a0 That\u2019s simply how it was in our families.\u00a0 There was an unspoken rule that although some people were \u201clucky\u201d enough to have what they needed and more in terms of money, that this wasn\u2019t the case with our families, and we got the message that there wasn\u2019t anything that could be done about it.\u00a0 Thus, fear of having money, not having money, and not being able to buy what we needed (or wanted) to buy gave us both an incorrect view of money in general.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Obviously, the above statements about money are false, but they were the only truths we knew in our world, and belief in those truths led to a mess of a situation with our own family finances.<\/p>\n<h5><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><strong>Handling Fear of Money<\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n<p>Ironically, we both handled our misunderstanding about finances in different ways. My goal with money was to make sure that I had the ability to buy whatever I thought I needed or wanted. I learned quickly that the<strong> \u201chave nots\u201d<\/strong> were not as popular or accepted as the <strong>\u201chaves\u201d<\/strong>, so I purposed to become one of the<strong> \u201chaves\u201d,<\/strong> with little or no regard to the impact it had on my finances. Living\u00a0pay-check\u00a0to-pay-check\u00a0and having credit card payments were a regular and normal part of life, and I was\u00a0OK\u00a0with that, as it allowed me to have the appearance of being one of the <strong>\u201chaves\u201d<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>My husband handled his fear of money completely the opposite way. He hoarded money like crazy. When Rick and I first started dating, he had just moved from his $6 an hour job to a $12 or so an hour job, yet he had a savings account that amounted to more than $20,000.\u00a0 Now, that\u2019s some serious hoarding.<\/p>\n<p>After we got married though, Rick, who\u2019d had a poor role model with his abusive alcoholic father, wanted me to manage the family finances. For my part, that was fine with me. I\u00a0didn&#8217;t\u00a0want to be left with nothing as my mother was left after her divorce. I needed to be <strong>\u201cin charge\u201d<\/strong> of things.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, though, <strong>\u201cin charge\u201d<\/strong> meant a lifestyle of continuously <strong>spending beyond our means.\u00a0<\/strong>Although Rick\u00a0didn&#8217;t\u00a0agree with my means of financial management, his father\u2019s tirades had left him fearful of confrontation, and he avoided arguments whenever possible.<\/p>\n<h5><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><a title=\"Money Fights and Money\u00a0Problems\" href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2012\/07\/12\/money-fights-and-money-problems\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\">Money Fights and Money Problems<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/h5>\n<p>Suffice to say, though, that our improper ways of handling our marriage and our \u00a0family finances led to the mess we\u2019re in now.\u00a0We&#8217;ve never borrowed money from family or friends, but relied solely on credit cards.\u00a0 Yes, we did consider bankruptcy,\u00a0but we wanted to give responsible money management a serious try first.\u00a0 We fought about money for years. The stress of a ton of debt and no relief in sight really\u00a0does take its toll on a marriage, but we were and are committed to keeping our family together. And now that we&#8217;ve got a plan and are on the same financial path, we are happier than ever.<\/p>\n<p><b>This may lead you to wonder: <\/b>\u00a0Do kids who come from homes with poorly managed finances always repeat the cycle, and if so, why or why not?<\/p>\n<p>In questioning family and friends on this subject, I received a myriad of answers.\u00a0 It seems that everyone has a different of opinions about whether or not how they handle their finances is a result of what they learned at home.<\/p>\n<p><b>Where does the responsibility lie?<\/b>\u00a0 So, who is responsible for<strong><a title=\"Should Parents Teach their Children about\u00a0Money?\" href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2012\/02\/03\/should-parents-teach-their-children-about-money\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> teaching our kids about money<\/a><\/strong>?\u00a0 Should we leave it up to the parents?\u00a0 Should the education system play a role?<\/p>\n<p>I believe strongly that the education system has a responsibility to teach our children about proper finance management, both at the elementary and secondary levels, as well as post-secondary levels. The basics of how to create and live on a budget, use a cheque book and avoid debt are easily taught by the right teacher.\u00a0And we all know that many parents don\u2019t teach kids about finances, so if in a particular family money isn\u2019t talked about, at least the school system would be there to teach children the basics.<\/p>\n<p>We also teach the kids a more responsible way of handling finances by giving them a weekly list of chores, and then paying them at the end of each week.\u00a0 The requirements in our household are that they\u00a0put 10% of each week&#8217;s pay into a savings account, and 10% into a giving account, and then manage the other 80% as they please.\u00a0 Also, our current stringent budget means very little entertainment money, so it&#8217;s been fun to watch as the kids save their money so that they can partake in fun activities that aren&#8217;t currently in our budget. And the kids get excited about money as they watch their savings grow and as they\u00a0earn money\u00a0on their own to do the fun stuff that we can&#8217;t afford right now.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-153378 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/family-photo.webp\" alt=\"family-photo\" width=\"266\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/family-photo.webp 266w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/family-photo-200x300.webp 200w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/family-photo-150x226.webp 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 266px) 100vw, 266px\" \/><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><strong>Managing Family Finances Today<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>My husband and I, through much education about family finance management and a lot of hard work are finally on the same page regarding money.\u00a0 His fear of money is slowing dissipating, in large part due to the fact that I\u2019ve come to face my own money mistakes and the reasons for them.<\/p>\n<p>Today\u00a0we\u00a0manage\u00a0our finances frugally by <strong><a title=\"Finances In The New Year + New Budget = Success\u00a0Formula\" href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/01\/01\/finances-in-the-new-year-new-budget-success-formula\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">budgeting<\/a><\/strong>, tracking our spending, and <strong><a title=\"Reader Question: Meal Planning For The\u00a0Budget\" href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2012\/08\/06\/reader-question-meal-planning-for-the-budget\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">meal planning<\/a><\/strong>, which helps us to feed our family of six on under $450 a month.\u00a0 We don&#8217;t use much in the way of coupons because we don&#8217;t eat alot of processed food, but instead grow and preserve many of our own veggies, and make most stuff from scratch.<\/p>\n<p>We are happily living a super-frugal lifestyle, with the common goals of reaching financial independence and focusing on value-based spending. <strong>Value-based spending,<\/strong> which is simply making spending decisions based on what&#8217;s most important to our family, helps us to curb wasteful spending and make sure our money goes towards the things that matter most to the well-being of our family.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes it&#8217;s tough, on an emotional level, to not spend on <strong>&#8220;fun&#8221;<\/strong> things, but we know we&#8217;ll be doing our marriage and our family a great service in the long run if we simply buckle down for a few years.No matter what the influences are that may have caused you to manage money irresponsibly, you can overcome them and create a better financial life for yourself, so start today.<\/p>\n<p><strong id=\"yui_3_7_2_1_1364066343442_14003\">Post contribution by:<\/strong>\u00a0Laurie B. I practice frugality with my husband,\u00a04 children, 2 horses and 3 cats\u00a0on\u00a0a 7-plus acre hobby farm in the Midwest.\u00a0 Here we are learning to be self-sufficient and to achieve the financial peace that comes with being debt free.\u00a0 I also blog about\u00a0money and about life on the farm at\u00a0<a id=\"yui_3_7_2_1_1364066343442_14008\" href=\"http:\/\/www.thefrugalfarmer.net\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\"><span id=\"yui_3_7_2_1_1364066343442_14007\">The Frugal\u00a0Farmer<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-150854\" src=\"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading.webp\" alt=\"Money-Quote-Logo-CBB\" width=\"1080\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading.webp 1080w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading-300x56.webp 300w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading-1024x190.webp 1024w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading-768x142.webp 768w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading-150x28.webp 150w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading-696x129.webp 696w, https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/Add-a-heading-1068x198.webp 1068w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 1080px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Are you NEW to Canadian Budget Binder?<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Follow Mr.CBB on\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/#!\/CanadianBudgetB\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/strong>,\u00a0<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Mr.CanadianBudgetBinder\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>and\u00a0<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/pinterest.com\/cdnbudgetbinder\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Pinterest<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<li>Subscribe to Canadian Budget Binder&gt;&gt; Everyone else has, why wait!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Do You Have A Question For Mr. CBB?<\/strong>\u00a0The best way to get in touch with me is on Facebook<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h6 class=\"zemanta-related-title\" style=\"font-size: 1em;\">Related articles<\/h6>\n<ul class=\"zemanta-article-ul\">\n<li class=\"zemanta-article-ul-li\"><a href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/02\/14\/dumpster-divingthe-top-5-rules-for-finding-the-good-free-stuff\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Dumpster Diving~The Top 5 Rules For Finding The Good Free Stuff!<\/a> (canadianbudgetbinder.com)<\/li>\n<li class=\"zemanta-article-ul-li\"><a href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/03\/18\/the-a-z-of-saving-money-e-book-a-to-zero-excuses\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The A-Z Of Saving Money E-Book-A to Zero Excuses!<\/a> (canadianbudgetbinder.com)<\/li>\n<li class=\"zemanta-article-ul-li\"><a href=\"https:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/03\/04\/reduced-grocery-budget-1100-to-600-in-6-months\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How I Reduced Our Grocery Budget From $1100 To $600 In 6 Months<\/a> (canadianbudgetbinder.com)<\/li>\n<li class=\"zemanta-article-ul-li\"><a href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/03\/07\/net-worth-update-cbb-february-2013-move-or-stay\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Net Worth Update CBB February 2013-Move or Stay?<\/a> (canadianbudgetbinder.com)<\/li>\n<li class=\"zemanta-article-ul-li\"><a href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/02\/13\/becoming-a-single-homeowner-part-1-the-plan\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Becoming a Single Homeowner &#8211; Part 1 &#8220;The Plan&#8221;<\/a> (canadianbudgetbinder.com)<\/li>\n<li class=\"zemanta-article-ul-li\"><a href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/02\/28\/daycare-you-are-the-voice-for-your-children\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Daycare-You Are The Voice For Your Children<\/a> (canadianbudgetbinder.com)<\/li>\n<li class=\"zemanta-article-ul-li\"><a href=\"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2013\/02\/24\/mr-cbbs-cheesy-ricotta-ball-soup\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Mr.CBB&#8217;s Cheesy Ricotta Ball Soup<\/a> (canadianbudgetbinder.com)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Both Photos Courtesy of Ambro\/freedigitalphotos.net<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When it comes to family finances, somebody is watching you especially when you have children in your life.\u00a0My name is Laurie and I&#8217;m married with 4 kids, 3 girls and a boy. We live in the upper Midwest and have recently begun a journey to achieve financial sanity for our family.\u00a0Welcome to a glimpse into [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":153377,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"disable-jtr":false,"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[571,736],"tags":[243,68,1198,26,1425,2655,2656,51,959,185,1569,1411,61,687],"class_list":{"0":"post-7906","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-debt-canadian-budget-binder-budgeting-series","8":"category-parenting","9":"tag-children","10":"tag-credit-card","11":"tag-credit-card-debt","12":"tag-debt","13":"tag-family-budget","14":"tag-family-finance","15":"tag-family-finances","16":"tag-finance","17":"tag-marriage","18":"tag-money-management","19":"tag-money-problems","20":"tag-parent","21":"tag-personal-finance","22":"tag-savings-account"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Family Finances: Somebody Is Watching You - Canadian Budget Binder Your Way To Debt-Freedom<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Family Finances: Somebody Is Watching You - Canadian Budget Binder Your Way To Debt-Freedom\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When it comes to family finances, somebody is watching you especially when you have children in your life.\u00a0My name is Laurie and I&#8217;m married with 4 kids, 3 girls and a boy. 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