{"id":19857,"date":"2015-01-15T09:10:01","date_gmt":"2015-01-15T14:10:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/?p=19857"},"modified":"2025-01-28T12:41:17","modified_gmt":"2025-01-28T12:41:17","slug":"sneaky-wife-teaches-husband-money-lesson-wont-forget","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digitalskyweb.co\/canadianbudgetbinder.com\/2015\/01\/15\/sneaky-wife-teaches-husband-money-lesson-wont-forget\/","title":{"rendered":"Wife Teaches Husband A Money Lesson"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/span>Estimated reading time: <\/span>9<\/span> minutes<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s unfortunate in relationships when both partners aren’t on the same page with financial management. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, extreme measures are not uncommon to teach someone a money lesson to show them the damage debt creates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Money, Your Money, Our Money Lesson<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When I read a question a fan had emailed me, I felt sorry for her because she was holding up the financial fort alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also applauded her for taking such a desperate measure to teach her husband that money is a serious issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money Lesson: Talk About It Before Marriage<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Although I am entirely on board with discussing finances before marriage, I also understand that it never happens for some couples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some couples assume the man is in charge of the money and the woman cooks and cleans in a traditional sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember that this is how my parents ran their household and still do today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In many couples I speak to today, the woman takes care of the finances while the husband agrees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Odd how there has been such a shift in money management over the years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In our household, we handle the budget and manage the money together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Budgeting Is Not A Fun Task<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Money management isn’t fun, especially when cash isn’t available.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m pretty sure when the debt-to-income ratio<\/a><\/strong> is unbalanced, life can get depressing, and the last thing you want to do is budget. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Debt Can’t Fix Itself<\/h2>\n\n\n
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\"How-A-Wife-Teaches-Sneaky-Husband-A-Money-Lesson-720x1080\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

The problem is when one spouse does all the financial work; the other isn’t learning the importance of budgeting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no ‘my money,<\/strong> your money’ in marriage. It’s ‘our money,’ meaning you should figure out how to manage it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Husband Is Spending Too Much Money<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Dear Mr.CBB,<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wish I had a husband like you that cared about our family finances and wanted to budget, but sadly I don’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My husband was laid off a few months ago, and now that the snow is here, he’s being lazy to look for work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’ve been married for 2 years and are in our late twenties with no kids yet and no retirement savings apart from programs through work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are on the brink of being broke as we have just about exhausted our emergency savings which I set aside on my own for times like this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have a $200,000 mortgage<\/strong> and about $15,000 <\/strong>worth of debt that I want to eliminate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thankfully our vehicles were paid, but that also hung over our heads while we were dating and into marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I earn a salary of  $85,000 a year,<\/strong> and he made $75,000<\/strong> when he was working.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mental Health Concerns<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

My problem is he is depressed<\/strong> that he lost his job<\/strong> and has no ambition to find anything new because he wants his old position back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Honestly, I think there are other things he could do that he’d be great at because he’s a smart guy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the meantime, he has no problem eating out, drinking and shopping with his friends, and putting it all on the credit card.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He also takes cash from the bank account because he relies on me to do all the savings in the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money has always been readily available; he takes what he needs and thinks it’s okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s not fine and we’ve talked about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He says he wants to work on a budget with me, but I’m unsure where to begin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cutting Him Off<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I just started using the free budget you offer on the blog, and it’s opened my eyes to how much we have spent and not saved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was left with no alternative but to cut him off.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That’s right, I took away his debit and credit cards, and he’s upset with me now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I cut them up, so he will only get them back if he requests them from the bank.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The only money he gets is a small allowance that our budget can handle, and that’s it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Related:<\/strong> Why we budget for an adult allowance<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Putting my husband on a cash diet<\/a><\/strong> was the only way to stop him from spending too much money<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had to take his debit card away. Otherwise, when I wasn’t looking, he would take money from the bank account and not let me know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He thought he could be sneaky, but I see EVERYTHING<\/strong> and didn’t want to become the couple who hid money from each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to have a happy financial relationship with my husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, any money we spend, we do it together, and I hold the purse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know handling this is not ideal, but something must be done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He’s now warming up to the allowance idea (thanks for that), but that’s not enough for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you suggest I do besides packing his bags and giving up on the marriage?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seems extreme, but I don’t want to live the rest of our lives in debt and without savings.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-MK<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Married And Broke<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Dear MK,<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money has always been a no-brainer for both of us, especially when it came to an understanding of what we needed to do with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’re not the only couple with money problems; you won’t be the last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Interestingly, most struggling people have good jobs, make a decent income, and have no reason to be struggling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the most part, we put ourselves in debt by ourselves, and no one to blame but the person behind the bank card.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is it happening, then?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We put this money stress on ourselves when we believe that we earn enough to spend because it will easily be replenished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Debt and Entitlement Money Lesson<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve talked to someone who says they earned shopping excursions, a spa day, golf outings, or trips but were swimming in debt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s as if we take money for granted, as if there’s an endless supply. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That’s not the case, but tell that to those Canadians who can’t get their money management skills right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all have to start somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the going gets tough, sometimes that means going to extremes to teach someone a money lesson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money Can Work When You Work Together<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Your husband has gone from having money at his disposal to becoming his money manager but with an allowance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He now has to spend his money wisely before he gets to the end of what’s left in his wallet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It will be a transition for him. However, I believe he will see the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Below are Money Lessons 1, 2, and 3, which I call TTF, Today, Tomorrow, Forever<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife and I went through this process, and although every couple is different, I hope it inspires your financial relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money Lesson 1- Communicate Today<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This will be the hardest part of the journey, but nothing will work until you both agree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can take away his credit cards all you want, but he still has access to the money whether you try to stop him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His name is on the bank account, right?<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talk to him and see if he would schedule some time every week, even half an hour, to review the budget spreadsheet with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He doesn’t have to learn how to budget but needs to see what you do and why he must keep his receipts<\/a><\/strong> and report his expenses and income to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes when people start to see the numbers, it lights a fire under their behind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He has no sense of responsibility toward the family finances and needs to step up to the plate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s easy to take, but the numbers don’t lie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money Lesson 2- Communicate Tomorrow<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Talk about what you plan to do moving forward with the budget and ensure that he has input, and it’s not all you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes when people don’t understand how to budget, they are intimidated by the spouse who seems to have their money facts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There isn’t anything wrong with reassuring him that his ideas are valid<\/strong> and that you will explore them together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Living in the moment is what he seems to be doing, but there is tomorrow, and if the money doesn’t last today, you have nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are motivating him to find a new job and asking him how you can help him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n